A Brief Guide: How We Located and Contacted a Birth Mother

We’d like to share a story that serves as a brief tutorial on how we helped a client find his birth mother (without using DNA)—while navigating privacy, sensitivity, and the unexpected emotions that often come with adoption searches.

Our client had very limited information—just a possible first name and a last name from over 40 years ago. The first name was common, and there was no confirmation the birth mother was even born in California.

This gave us a shortlist of five potential matches. After locating current contact details, we began reaching out.

The first two contacts were not the birth mother. But when we called the third person and asked a few careful questions, there was a long pause—then silence. That pause said it all: we had found her.

Understandably, she was shocked. “How in the world did you find me? This was a closed adoption and I’ve moved on,” she said. We reassured her that her privacy would be fully respected. We offered to pass along our client’s email address only if she felt comfortable reaching out. She agreed to take the email—on her own terms.

Our client was content with this outcome. His primary wish was to know his birth mother was alive and well—and to let her know that he was doing just fine. We also shared some surprising news: he had a half-brother and half-sister. Thanks to a bit of Facebook research (a surprisingly valuable tool in investigative work), we were even able to provide a photo of his birth mother and half-sister.

As it turned out, the birth mother was just 14 years old when she gave birth. She never imagined that, decades later, her biological son would reach out to her.

This experience is a powerful reminder: when contacting birth parents—especially in closed adoptions—it’s essential to approach the situation with compassion, discretion, and respect for everyone’s emotional space and privacy.